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fuck, im useless....
jacje626

whoa, seriously?....i havent been on livejournal since october?!...



seriously shocking.... mind you i only logged in today after 2 months - to read my bitchy entries about dude 1 because I had a rather long convo with him on fb yesterday and it scared me how quickly my thoughts took me right back there..

fuck, im casting my mind back and i cant even remember who dude 1 actually is...i remember TH and smarmy...ohh, was dude 1 aaron?...

nope aaron was dude 2...... can u remember if i referred to smarmy as the cute guy - or was the cute guy the really hot one that kept hitting on me??

dude 1 is the dude that caused me the most grief last year..... remember - the confession?

bloody hell...totally having trouble keeping track ae!...haha...
i dont recall you referring to smarmy as being the cute guy...wait, which guy was the really hot one that kept on hitting on you?..i thought that was rory...lol...
hang on *tries to cast mind back*...im sure i remember the confession...but i fully cant recall the guy!...

are you seriously kidding me???? u cant remember the guy i was torturing myself over for the better part of last year? go back and read my entries that are full of anguish - im sure itl come back to you.....

no silly rory was TH..... i think the cute guy was the second year dude who has a nice ass and when he got drunk at one of the parties started hitting on me?

are we talking about gaj?...lol...cz im sure u never referred to him as dude 1...
yeah, i remember that rory was TH...wait, the cute guy was one of the guys in the 'lawn bowls' album on fb, right?...

dude - wat is the point of having code names if you're just gonna say everything anyway??? and yeah i have referred to him as dude 1..... in like all of my entries....... and yes that would be the cute guy....

hahahaha...ohh, god, sorry!!...im terrible!!!...
but sweet, im not confused nemore now!...lol...

ok so now go back and read my first comment in this thread....

what exactly were u talking about on fb?...and please tell me that u havent fallen into the same thought and feeling pattern again!...cz that would not be a good way to start of a new year!!...

ugh i know right.....
well he started the convo just by saying happy new year, and then we were talking about starbucks - we have the same favourite.... and then he asked if i'd watched this one movie and i said that i hadnt so he was dont watch it! we'll watch it together when i go back apparently.... and then we were talking about some more movie stuff and wanted to know if i get scared at scary movies, ask me to youtube the trailor of one and said if i liked the look of it he would download it....... that sort of carry on....

uh oh!!...this is NOT good!!...obviously u know that!...
tho, the convo seems to have run an interesting course...ur not doing nething, yet its like hes going after you...wht are ur thoughts?...is ur mind on confusion overload at the moment?...

totally on confusion overload...... help? wat do u get from it?

wht do i get from it?...as in, how am i interpreting the conversation?...
to be honest, im perplexed...yet, very interested!...

perplexed??? explain ur thoughts please?

well, i mean, he knew how you felt for a good part of last year...the ball was totally in his court to pursue you...but he ddnt...and now, from reading about the conversation you had on facebook, it looks like hes keen on you...the thing is, wht changed?...absence made the heart grow fonder?...

thats what i was thinking too...... so im not totally insane?? either that or he missed our friendship?

u are definitely not insane!!...however, im worried that if ur mind starts wandering away from you, u may travel along the pathway of insanity!!...
well, he could have missed ur friendship...but it seems like he's going to lengths to make sure that he has time set aside to be with you...he ddnt have to be like, 'DONT WATCH IT'...tho, it will be interesting to see whether he wnts to wtch it alone with you, or with u and a group of others...

ok phew! il try to keep myself from doing that... however lately ive been feeling the insanity creeping up on me..... oooh yeah interesting thought process......

yeah, insanity definitely isnt something u wnt to have for the start of the year...haha...theres still plenty of time left for you to become insane during 2011!...lol...
do u reckon that after everything thats gone on, u would go for him if he made a move?...

well the funny thing is that i had a bit of a psychic moment yesterday while we were driving up..... cos u know when im in a car on a long trip i tend to use the time to sort shit out in my head, well my mind flitted to him and i was thinking to myself if something came up in that avenue wud i even go for him.... i dont know to be honest.... what should i do?

u have to ask urslf, wht do u wnt?...ur the only person who really knows the answer to that...
when u had ur intense feelings for him that just wudnt go away, wht was ur psyche trying to tell you?...

so ur trying to tell me that my psyche says i had feelings that strong for him for a reason?

well, as they say, everything happens for a reason...right?...

yeah i guess..... but at the moment like my feelings are nowhere even fractionally close to where they once were...

well, makes sense, doesnt it...cz quite a lot of time has passed where u have been trying to separate urself from those intense feelings...however, once u start getting close to him again, those feelings are going to resurface quickly (and possibly just as intense)...and there is nothing that can be done to stop that...

but do u not think that the rejection forced me to deal with the feelings and so some resentment about it has grown? so then if the situation crops up again then im gonna remember the anger?

i wnt to believe that will be the case...but at the same time, i know how strongly u felt about him in the past (and how long)...so, if the situation does crop up, i think that ur going to wnt to test it out the potential...maybe ur feelings wont be so intense, but they will definitely be present...
how angry would u say u were/are about the situation?...

i was more angry about the fucking with my head that came after.... do u remember? like the night of that big party when he was following me around and looking at me and stuff....

yeah, i remember...
im really interested to see how this all unfolds...do u reckon it would be worth going for it, given everything?...or would it just be better leaving him in the past?...obviously, still being friends with him and all, but not putting urslf into a situation to fall for him again (though, is that even possible?)...

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